A Day in the Life of Jen
A lot of times when I sit down to write, I have a topic in mind. But there are those occasional days when I’m like, “My brain is empty.” And those are the days I turn to the internet for help.
Here’s the thing about writing online content: there are people out there who write online content telling other people what to write. Mind. Blown. I am so dumb. I should have started out writing that. I should have been like, “Stuck? Here are 100 topics you can write about…” and then I’d never run out of things to say. But that’s the problem, I don’t know 100 things to write about. That’s why I need these folks.
So, today I turned to one of these lists and did one of those close-your-eyes-and-point and I hit: “A Day in the Life of [Insert Name Here].” The examples given were a lot of influencers who go to 80 different locations for photo shoots with 10,000 outfit changes, they have important meetings with important brand partners, they give their assistants tasks, they work out and drink smoothies in between, and seem like they have their shit together.
I can’t do that, I thought. Because my days are so stupid.
But I’m trying to be more positive and shit in 2023 and say Yes to as much as I can. There’s no reason why I can’t say Yes to this one, so let’s go.
7 a.m. - I woke up on an air mattress on Adolpha’s floor. It’s a long story about why I was there, but I’ll try to give you the basics: she sleepwalks. A LOT. Sometimes we can get her back to bed no problem, but other times it’s an ordeal. Last night was an ordeal night. I literally slept in front of her door so she would have to step on me if she wanted to leave the room. When I finally got to sleep last night, I forgot to set an alarm, so I woke up when my “body told me to.” (That sounds like something an influencer would say. Like I’m one with the earth and I allow my circadian rhythm to wake me, not my bladder.)
Once I was up, I made sure Gomer was awake. Today is the first day back to school and I didn’t want him to be late. He was way ahead of me and almost ready to walk out the door. I gave myself a gold star because I’m hashtag winning at this parenting thing!
I hauled all my shit (I mean, my high-end Ikea linens) back to my room and got out my fast charger for my cellphone (I wish I could give a shoutout to some brand who gave it to me for free, but I’m pretty sure I bought it in a two-pack from Sam’s Club).
7:30 a.m. - Time to get the dog out. I was still in my pajamas and it was cold out. The Hubs was already dressed for work. So I gave him my big, sad eyes and said, “I had to sleep on the floor last night. Will you walk Stan before you go?”
He said he would. [Insert virtual blow job here for my husband who did something the whole family does.]
8:00 a.m. - Dog was walked and back in bed with Adolpha. I know I should have taken an adorable, heavily filtered photo of the two of them and tagged Purina or some shit, but Adolpha would literally kill me if I posted pictures of her with her mouth hanging open and her hair in knots. Even Stan doesn’t look good that early in the morning. He’s always bleary-eyed and kind of boring. He’s the least animated dog I’ve ever seen. I blame us. Sometimes I wonder if Stan would still resemble a rug if he lived with another family.
8:10 a.m. - First cup of tea of the day. Shout out to my Costco electric kettle for always being there for me.
Now is when I should probably exercise or something, but it’s either shower or exercise and I usually choose shower. Today I’m feeling zany, though, and choosing NEITHER. I have nowhere to be until this afternoon, so I feel like I need to take advantage of my semi-empty and quiet house and get some work done. The shower can happen later and the workout can happen…hmm…let’s shoot for Sunday.
8:20 a.m. til whenever (lunch time-ish) - At my desk. I’d like to tell you that I work in a bright, airy room with tons of natural light and fabulous decor. I work in a windowless room in my basement. I prefer it this way, though. If I had windows, I’d literally be yelling, “Squirrel!” all day long. When I go into my bunker slash office I have no idea what’s going on outside. There could be a tornado and I wouldn’t know it.
My office is cluttered with so much shit. I have two desks. One is a normal desk, the other is a standing desk because a few years ago I was positive I was going to stand to work every day. I think that was my 2020 resolution. I can’t remember anymore. I do try to get over there a few times a week. It’s where my “good” keyboard is, so I use that as an incentive to work there. In case you were wondering, “good” keyboards are clacky. I feel incredibly productive when I can HEAR the work happening.
Over the years I’ve acquired a lot of office equipment and supplies, so there’s always a dead monitor in here, a discarded laptop that needs to be wiped so we can recycle it, and a ridiculous amount of printers. I like to work on paper, so I burn through a lot of printers.
I start my day by checking all my emails. I have so many email addresses, it’s dumb. But they each serve a purpose. There’s a method to my madness. I have one that’s just for junk mail and I look at it a few times a month. I have one that was my original email address that I don’t use anymore, but too many important places have it, so I have it forwarded to my new email (it’s a whole thing). I have an email that goes with my website. I have an email that goes with this newsletter so I won’t miss it if anyone replies to me. I have an email for doctors and schools and stuff, because no teacher wants to send an email to Jenthroatpunch.
If anything is urgent, I reply then, otherwise, I have an elaborate folder system that I use to keep everything organized. I can’t say it always works, but it usually works. If I owe you an email, though, never be afraid to follow up. I’m sure you’re stuck in a folder somewhere or I replied to you in my head.
I check the calendar. I have one calendar for EVERYTHING. I need to know if a paid post is due on the same day Gomer works and Adolpha has a dentist appointment. I like to have it all in one place so I can see what’s happening so I can plan my showers and maybe a workout.
Next, I check my paper to-do list. I told you I like paper. I have Post-It Notes everywhere with reminders, passwords, and addresses on them. I have a notepad that has a running list of things that need to be done. I just keep adding to it and when I’m done with one thing, I’ll check it for what should be next. Today “Write a Substack” was at the top, so here we are!
I have “Finish proposal” and “Record that fucking audiobook” on there every day. One day I’ll cross those off!
After this, I’ll probably make doctor appointments. If I don’t get them done in the morning, I’ll forget and they won’t get done.
I usually send out signed books every day. Sometimes they’re orders and sometimes they’re requests for donations.
I do look a bit like an asshole because my ring light is always pointed at me. It’s turned off, it’s not like I work with a spotlight! But you never know when an emergency Zoom interview might happen and you want that ring light in the best spot possible.
Speaking of Zoom. I usually have a few things each week. Tonight I’m Zooming with a book club that read my book and tomorrow I’m being interviewed for a podcast. I need to follow up with both of them and make sure it’s still a go before I put on pants and a bra and lipstick, though. And if I find out there isn’t any video required, even better!
Check and update social media. I do this all day long because there’s a lot to check. But I start out in the morning with my more popular channels and groups to see what’s happening. I would like to tell you that I have a whole strategy plan mapped out, but I don’t. It’s on my to-do list. I’m lucky that I have a fuck ton of moderators who help me with the groups out of the kindness of their hearts.
Write, write, write. Depending on what I’m working on, I spend the rest of the morning writing. If I’m writing a manuscript, I’ll have a daily word goal I need to hit. These days I’m working on a proposal, so it’s more like a working-in-chunks thing. I need to get Section A done or finish up this sample chapter or find out what the comparables are. That sort of thing. In the past week, it’s been just Substack and proposal. Nothing else is getting written.
During these hours, I’ll have more tea and, for the month of January, a lot of water (I always start out the new year with plans to drink my weight in water. I’m super good the first few weeks), so you can be assured there were will be at least 5 breaks to pee. [Add “Get Charmin as a brand partner” to my to-do list.]
Noon - I’ll break for lunch with Adolpha. This is also when I shower (if absolutely necessary).
12:30 p.m. - Check Adolpha’s schoolwork. I’m homeschooling, so I need to set some time each day to work with her. She’s fairly independent, but there are times she needs help. I’m not sure how good I am, though. The other day she had an English test and she bombed it with my help. I’m much better at giving moral support. “You’ve got this! Take your time and think it through!”
Because she only needs someone there to push her and keep her on track, I try to go back and reply to emails, texts, messages, etc. during this time.
2:30 p.m. on - Afternoons are when I make most of my daytime appointments. We usually have a doctor’s appointment once or twice a week. [Shout out to healthcare for all!]
I typically do my one-on-one coaching appointments in the afternoons once or twice a week as well.
If there aren’t appointments, this is the time Adolpha wants a ride somewhere. Usually to meet friends or to work or something. I have to wait for her a lot because she tires quickly and we never know when she’ll be done. I bring my laptop and try to find a place with wifi to get a few more words, emails, or social media posts in.
[Shoutout to public libraries, coffee shops, McD’s, and hotel lobbies for letting me use their wifi and bathrooms (because there was so much more tea consumed).]
5 p.m. - Figure out dinner with family. A meal plan is a great idea. I’ve seen tons of them on the internet. They seem really helpful. I should try one of those. Instead, at 5 o’clock I yell, “Oh fuck. What are we doing for dinner?” It’s always too late to defrost something and my pantry is just full of snacks and no real ingredients for meals, so I end up at the grocery store to buy whatever we’ll serve that night. I remind myself I’m not pantsing dinner, that’s how it’s done in Europe. We’re very international!
There will be nights that I remind the Hubs I have a coupon for a free appetizer somewhere and we go there. I feel like eating out is actually a way to bond as a family. If I’m cooking, Gomer will almost always suddenly have plans and Adolpha won’t like what I’m serving, so she’ll eat Uncrustables and call it good. But if I say, “How about we go to XYZ restaurant tonight?” suddenly everyone’s available and wants to hang out with me. Again, I’m calling this a parenting win.
5:30 p.m. - Stan finally leaves Adolpha’s bed or the couch to remind us he also likes dinner and would like to poop. Everyone disappears and I’m the one left. It’s my “me time.” We take our walk and then return to the porch where I sit on my rocker with him at my feet and we both get excited to see the squirrels. (The winter is a bit harder, we need to do our squirrel-watching closer to 4 p.m.) I also make a lot of TikToks during this time.
7:30 p.m. - Dinner is done and now I listen to the Hubs and/or kids talk about their complaints with the world while I check email and social media on my phone and nod simultaneously. I throw in a, “That sucks” for good measure. Hashtag work-life balance.
9 p.m. - Adolpha will suggest we watch a movie and I say, “Are you kidding me? Where were you at 7 o’clock? I can’t start a movie now.” Instead, I watch 3 hours of some inane Netflix reality show because I don’t have the bandwidth to follow a plot.
During this time I am scrolling TikTok (thank you to all the creators who use closed captions). I call this “research.” The Hubs calls it “bullshit.”
Midnight - Lights out. I wish I could tell you I have an elaborate nighttime routine, but I don’t. If I wore makeup that day, it might come off. I arrange my 40 pillows so that my neck, hips, and knees are supported and don’t fall asleep on me. Depending on what we had for dinner, I pop a Tums. The only thing I do regularly is do some stretches and take my magnesium so I wake up feeling like I’m 60 instead of 80.
3 a.m. - I used to get up at 3 a.m. and write. This was my favorite time to write. My body woke me up naturally (for real) and I would spend a few hours writing. But now this seems to be the time that Adolpha likes to get up and make eggs for Stan while she’s asleep. I feel like any time between midnight and 4 a.m. is prime time for her to go wandering around so I try to sleep as long as I can before I’m woken up by her flipping on the lights and announcing we need another dog and she’s found one online.
I need to get better at making sure my laptop is beside my bed at night because the basement is far and I am tired. But if I have to sit up for a bit and guard the front door so she doesn’t go on a hike in the middle of the night, I might as well try and work then too.
So, there you have it! My day! It’s a little sad to see how boring my life is, haha. However, I’m glad I got this prompt instead of, “What I Eat in a Day” because it would be downright embarrassing to reveal how many handfuls of Christmas candy I’ve eaten just this morning. I keep saying I’ll change once the Christmas candy is gone, but we all know the Valentine’s candy is already out and I can’t resist a good box of assorted chocolates in a heart-shaped box. It’s like Russian roulette for your mouth! Please be caramel…blech…orange cream!! Oh, the humanity!