An Imaginary Cabinet Meeting

Chill out, it's humor.

Photo by Ana Lanza on Unsplash

Of course, I’ve never been to a cabinet meeting, but I have met a few former cabinet members and no matter who the president was, they were pretty serious people who seemed fairly smart. That’s why this morning when I was in the shower, I started thinking. (I do my best thinking in the shower.) I was imagining what a cabinet meeting is like now with the brain trust we have in power.

This is what I came up with. (Yes, this is FAKE. It’s all in my head. It’s what I imagine it would be like to be in the meeting with these fools. It might SEEM real, but that’s because of this shit is “ripped from the headlines” as Law & Order likes to say.”)

My Imaginary Cabinet Meeting:

TRUMP: Ok, let’s start with the praise, please.

THEY GO AROUND THE TABLE WITH EACH ATTENDEE SAYING SOMETHING LIKE:

“Here’s your Diet Coke. Also, your hair looks ah-may-zing today, sir.”

“China called. Oh my God, they’re so scared of you!”

“Thank you for your moving Easter message. It really said what I was feeling but I didn’t know how to articulate it. It always amazes me how you have the best words. Just when I think you’re out of words, you come up with more. Incredible.”

“I had a dream last night that you were King of America. Best dream of my life.”

“You are the most powerful leader in the world, and all those other so-called leaders are in awe of your deal-making ability. I’m so glad we’re on the same side. I would hate to sit across the table from you!”

“I am so grateful that we finally have a Commander in Chief who is a real man. A man’s man. A man who isn’t afraid of hard work or getting dirty. A man who is a self-made millionaire–excuse me, billionaire–and has done more for this country in 100 days than every other president COMBINED. It’s absolutely inspiring to watch you work.”