I’m at that age now where many of my friends are single. Half of them have sworn off men for good, but the other half still have hope there’s another soul mate out there for them.
I like that group the best because they let me peek at their dating apps. We were out one night and several of them were lamenting about the lack of interesting men on their apps. I thought maybe they were being a little too picky, so I took a scroll.
Oh. My. God.
Fellas, if you are a single man reading this (hello to the two of you), you have got to do better than a picture with a dead fish blocking half your face.
One man even took a picture of himself laying on his couch! Seriously? If that’s the effort he put into his profile, imagine the effort he’d put into a relationship.
I was just beginning to lose hope when my friend told me about a man she’d recently “matched” with. I think that’s when they both look at one another’s profile and then choose each other? Or maybe he just chose her? Either way, he indicated he was interested in meeting her.
“You’ll love this, Jen,” she said. “He wants to know if I’m a dominatrix!”
“Oh my god!” I squealed. “That’s perfect! Say yes! Say yes!”
She looked at me like I was crazy. So I had to explain to her that ever since I read the article about Mistress Sofia the dominatrix who charges men to clean her house I’ve aspired to be her.
Listen. She’s amazing! She’s over 65 years old. She can still rock leather and she looks terrific. She’s a divorcee who didn’t know how she was going to make money after her husband left and then she stumbled into her new career. She figured out that submissive men will pay her to basically boss them around. I don’t even think she sleeps with them. She gets a clean house and time to read a book? Brilliant!
My friend was not convinced this was not the life for her and chose not to meet this man. What a shame, she could have left him tied up in a park like Mistress Sofia did!
When I got home that night I told the Hubs about it. “It could be a good side business,” I said. “And both of us hate cleaning toilets. This could be a marriage-saver. We only fight about money and cleaning. The subs could be the answer!”
The Hubs has heard so many of my crazy ideas over the years, he didn’t even look up from his laptop when he replied, “I’d rather have him clean out the garage.”
"I'd rather have him clean out the garage." Hahahaha, wow! Yes! As a single mom of 4, this resonated with me so hard. I'm the twice-divorced clown who thinks she still has a soulmate out there. I got all dolled up for a date last night with a paramedic and he stood me up. Long story short, this Dominatrix life is sounding pretty good.
As I'm constantly barking orders at my teenagers (after requesting politely has failed, and let's face it, I've completely given up on getting the beloved to do ANYTHING as he's Far Too Busy and Important...) this might be a nice change of pace. Ordering people to do shit that actually gets done??!! I could make a fortune!!