I’ve had a Twitter account for 11 years now, but if I’m honest, I’ve really always hated it. I joined because, back in the day, that’s all there was. I had a Facebook account, a Twitter account, and a Pinterest account. Now there are too many to keep up with. I keep adding a few (hey, TikTok), but I never drop any. I think it’s time to drop Twitter.
Twitter’s never been my thing, though. Even Instagram is better and I kind of hate Instagram. It’s not Instagram’s fault, though. It’s just that my life isn’t photo-worthy and how many pictures of my face, my books, and my dog can I post??? Answer: way too many.
Twitter has always been kind of a cesspool. I literally only use Twitter to scream at politicians or complain to corporations about their abysmal customer service. I use Twitter to ask for the manager so much, it should just be called The Karen Network.
As much as I hated Twitter, I kept at it because it felt like a necessary evil. Twitter was a good way to reach agents and editors and publishers I wanted to work with. It was a place where I could bug every celebrity that ever worked with Tina Fey in the hopes she’d call me and take me up on my offer for subs. It was where I went to scream into the void. Truly. I can’t recall ever having a legit conversation on Twitter.
And then I got the coveted blue checkmark. Remember when we all wanted those years ago? We were told they’d open up hidden doors to untold riches. That was a load of shit. The only thing that checkmark’s done for me was prompt United Airlines to find my lost luggage a little faster. Hard to tell if it was the checkmark or the fact that my name is Throat_Punch.
And that’s the last reason that I’ve stayed. I like my name. And if I gave up Twitter now, some white supremacist asshat would swoop in and take my name. So for that very reason, I’m staying on Twitter…sorta.
Now that Elon has bought it, I can only imagine how shitty it’s going to get. Yeah, it’s going to get real shitty real fast. Because Elon Musk is a bag of turds with gold card. He can say all he wants about “freedom of speech” but he’s creating a safe space for racist snowflakes to cry and spout their garbage. And on top of that, he wants the checkmark people to pay to keep our checkmarks. Go fuck yourself in your billionaire ear, sir. You can shove my checkmark up your ass.
God, I hate that dude. And it’s not a new thing. I’ve always disliked that creeper. Years ago the Hubs was really into Elon. He thought he was a genius. He kept comparing him to Tony Stark or Bruce Wayne and I was like, “No, dummy. He’s Lex Luthor.” How did anyone think he was one of the good guys?
[Side note: I also told the Hubs Donald Trump was a piece of shit the first time we met, but he kept singing that dude’s praises for way too long. AND he’s always been a big fan of fucking Kanye. Moral of the story: the Hubs has terrible taste in men and should listen to me! I can spot horrible men from a mile away.]
Meanwhile, I’m staying on Twitter. I will lose my checkmark and that will be fine, but I’m not giving up my name. I refuse to see some dickhead snatch it up. I don’t know if I’ll do anything on Twitter. I’ll probably go dark and just hold my space, but I don’t intend to be an active part of any community Elon Musk is creating.
I’m worried. These asshole billionaire tech bros have way too many fan boys. They’re allowed to buy their way into whatever area they want to influence. Just because these dickheads have money doesn’t mean they’re good people, but America worships billionaires who earn their money on the backs of people making minimum wage and collecting food stamps (I’m looking at you, Walton Family). These fuckers jet off into space and return like giggling middle-aged schoolboys, completely out of touch with reality and what the world actually needs. Hint, it’s not a fucking rocket, you moron.
Don’t get me wrong, there is more that I could do, too. I don’t do enough to help people who are suffering or try and change the world, but I also didn’t make an extra couple trillion dollars last year on top of my normal billions. If I had an extra billion or two languishing in my off-shore accounts, I wouldn’t be buying Twitter or bunkers.
I bought a lottery ticket last night and if I win the PowerBall, I can assure you, I won’t be using the money to pay for a blood boy(yeah, that’s a thing) or a doomsday shelter guarded by robots or Elon Musk for my checkmark or Bezos for a ride in his stupid looking penis-mobile.
Follow me everywhere BUT Twitter!
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100 percent. I will be checking my normal politics tweeters until the midterms but after that. I am going dark as well!
Right with you, Jen!