I'm Heeeeere!

And I "Hate" It

Photo by Camille Minouflet on Unsplash

Hello Friends! After our flight was canceled yesterday morning, a very nice airline employee found us another path to Cancun, but it required being split up from my son. He’s 18 but he’d never flown alone before so I was slightly concerned, but we figured it was time for the baby bird to learn how to be on his own. I handed him his passport and told him I’d leave him at the border if he lost it, and sent him to Houston while I winged my way to Chicago. He was delayed in Houston with engine trouble and my plane sat in the sleet on the runway in Chicago gathering ice making us all a little worried we weren’t going to make it to the sunny shores of Cancun. But we finally made it to Cancun last night and found one another in baggage claim. Gomer beat me by about half an hour. I won’t say Gomer was relieved to see me, but I do know he’d glommed onto the mom of a friend and asked if she’d take him to the resort with her because he didn’t know if or when I was going to arrive. She was herding him with her group when I got there. Thank goodness for moms.

We arrived and Gomer disappeared into the night with his friends while I unpacked and toured the resort. I’ve never stayed at an all-inclusive before and it seemed so weird to just grab food and drinks without a bill. I guess I need to think about it like I already paid.

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Today Gomer’s on a snorkeling excursion. I don’t like snorkeling. Too many fish. I like the ocean from a distance. So I’m sitting between the ocean and the adult pool. I keep moving around, following the shade. I bought all the things to keep me as pale as a Victorian supermodel, but I need more shelter because I’m a (say it with me) delicate fucking flower.

There was a water workout class this morning. The super hot instructor asked me to join. I’m sure that works on other middle-aged suburban ladies, but he underestimated how dedicated I am to doing NOTHING on this trip. Sir, I don’t do water aerobics on a good day, you think I’m going to do it on vacation? I can see your muscles from here, thank you very much.

It’s dance contest time right now. The fuck I’m going to do that. I’d rather do water aerobics. I can’t dance to save my life. I appreciate the confidence of Frank from Wisconsin and Liz from Virginia because the lead dancer they have to imitate is the Mexican version of Magic Mike. This will be fun to watch. Hang on, Liz just killed it. Go, Liz! Laura from Illinois just busted out yoga moves. Okay, Laura! Uh oh, Frank from Wisconsin was a sleeper. He just won the whole shebang when he almost took off his pants. Dad bod for the win.

I’ve already read one book since yesterday and I’m ready to start my second one. But first, it’s nap time.

PS - I have some pictures but that beach photo is better than anything I can take. Just imagine me doing cartwheels on that beach and that’s what it looks like here.