My Quarterly Update
Don't miss the memo
It’s the end of March, which is first quarter, right? So like any good business, I thought I’d give you an update on what’s been happening over here.
Let’s start with January. January was a flurry of activity because Adolpha was scheduled to leave in February. She wanted to see her grandma before she left, so she asked if she could go to New York City over winter break. None of us had been to NYC in a hot minute, so we ALL decided to accompany her. We had ridiculously good weather—like too warm for coats. Because the Hubs and I lived there for many, many years, when we return to NYC it’s really just an eating tour with a little shopping on the side. We did such a good job with the eating that Gomer ran out of insulin. We’d never had that happen, so it was slightly stressful. We’ve now learned that if we’re going somewhere where all we do is eat pasta, pizza, rice, and dessert then he will need to pack a back-up vial of insulin. Other than that, we had a nice visit with the Hubs’ mom and did some major damage on my credit card.
Before we knew it, it was February. A lot happened in February. I made an announcement on Facebook, but I think a lot of folks missed the memo, so I’ll repeat it here. I took a job. A real job. Where I have to wear pants and a bra and leave my house. I’d been there about a week when it was time for Adolpha to fly the nest.
Her brother goes to school less than an hour away, so she decided to cross the International Date Line. She picked a university in Seoul, South Korea. I flew with her to Korea and helped her move into her new apartment. I didn’t go with her because I thought she needed babying, I really did it for my own peace of mind. And because she’s an unreliable narrator. I wanted to see exactly where she’d be living and where she’d be going to school, because I wanted to be prepared when she called to complain about something. Unfortunately, that poor kid has called a lot, but it isn’t because her apartment sucks or school is hard. She’s been super sick since I left her. She’s been battling pneumonia for a few weeks now. The meds for the pneumonia make her sick, so she’s also lost a bunch of weight. When she lived here, she saw the inside of just about every ER in the metro, and I think she’s made that goal for Seoul as well. Before anyone asks, let me go ahead and answer: 1. She had to have medical insurance before she left. 2. It has decent coverage, but you still have to fight with them, because they have dumb rules like, You need a pre-authorization to go to the ER. Cool, cool, cool. 3. She doesn’t get to use Korea’s insurance because she’s not been there long enough to qualify. 4. She’ll be there until the summer. 5. She’s been accepted to college in Hawaii, so she’s headed there next. That flight will seem like nothing after Korea.
And now we’re up to March. March was a whirlwind of birthdays. It’s my dad’s birthday, my birthday, and my mom’s birthday, all in one week. Gomer went on spring break to Florida and realized that some of the more popular destinations price gouge the tourists. No shit, sir. Welcome to America.
And now’s the time to tell you about what I have coming up.
April 15 - Ladies Laugh Lounge, Funny Bone KC. I will be back on stage for another all-female comedy night. Men are welcome to attend, they just won’t be on stage. I don’t know what I’ll talk about yet, but probably my vagina. Tickets are going fast, so make sure you get yours today!!
In case you saw me on stage at Ladies Laugh Lounge and you were like, “Damn, she seems great. I would love to hang out with her at Drag Queen Bingo tomorrow night” then I’ve got a surprise for you!
April 16 - Drag Queen Bingo Fundraiser
7-8:30 PM
Hamburger Mary’s
Benefiting Growing Futures Early Education Center.
This event is host by ME and my pal, Melanie Clark.
And then let’s say you were like, “Wow, I really like Bingo, but I especially liked the part where I heard all about Growing Futures! I wish I could support them more.”
Don’t worry, friend. YOU CAN.
May 2 - Growing Futures Run for the Roses Kentucky Derby Fundraiser I will be a “Jockey” at this event and I’m on the hook to raise ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Okay, that’s not exactly true, but if I raised ONE MILLION DOLLARS Growing Futures would lose their minds. Plus, it would help a tremendous amount of kids. So, I probably can’t raise ONE MILLION DOLLARS, but I’d be thrilled if I raised $10,000. The event at Hamburger Mary’s helps me reach my goal, but it won’t get me across the finish line. If you want to help, you can buy a ticket (or 2) and join me in your finest Derby attir
e, you can make a donation towards my goal, you could ask a friend to make a donation, you could ask your company to match it, you could ask to borrow someone’s phone and refuse to give it back until they made a donation. Wait. Maybe don’t do that last one. That seems extreme. Instead, just get out your wallet and…