Read ALL the Things
Adolpha and I went to the mall to return some things. We stopped in a store that she really likes. She wanted to show me some posters she wanted me to buy for her room. I said no. She and I perused the shelves bursting with Funko Pops. Again, she beseeched me for money to get a giant-headed doll. And again, I declined her.
The whole time we were wandering around the store, a man who worked there chatted us up. He was friendly and understood my position. “I wouldn’t spend a hundred bucks on posters, either,” he whispered to me when Adolpha’s back was turned.
“It’s ridiculous,” I agreed. “When did posters get so expensive?”
Adolpha continued to explore the store and I continued to decline her requests for money.
UNTIL.
She held up a stack of books. “Mom!” she exclaimed. “They have the whole Blah, Blah, Blah series!”
I say Blah, Blah, Blah series because I can’t remember the title. I can’t keep up with Adolpha’s reading habits. I know the books were manga. I also know manga is a genre she likes a lot but finds difficult to acquire.
“I’ve been looking for the complete series forever!” Adolpha said.
“Cool,” I replied.
She held up the stack and gave me big eyes. “You know, you’ve always said you would buy Gomer and me any book we wanted…”
Well, shit.
Over a decade ago, my kids and I had the opportunity to meet Jeff Kinney, the author of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. We had time to talk to him privately and somehow it came up that basically, he just wants kids to read, so he never says “No” to a book his kids ask for.
When I heard that, I thought, Great idea! I’m going to do that too! And instead of keeping that thought a secret, I opened my big mouth and blabbed to my kids. For a while there, we were hitting Barnes & Noble a couple times a week.
Gomer hasn’t asked me for a book in years. It’s a good thing because Adolpha spends enough for two kids—actually four kids.
“I did say that,” I said. “But I don’t think I said I’d buy a whole series of books.”
“How about we split it?” she suggested.
I was about to agree with her when the clerk said, “You know, my wife and I have never considered those to be real books. It’s not reading.”
McScuse me, bitch? What did you say?
And here I thought we were on the same wavelength when we bonded over stupidly expensive posters. Boy, was I wrong. This dude was dead to me now.
“Oh, I disagree,” I said, slapping my credit card on the counter. “I’ll buy them all, Adolpha. For you to read.”
Who gets to decide what counts as reading? Are you reading right now? Does this count? Or is it too short? What about if you read People I Want to Punch in the Throat? It’s not literature, it’s not even serious non-fiction, it’s a collection of ridiculous stories about my life. Is that allowed on everyone’s 2023 book list? Come on! I believe magazines and newspapers count, too!
And don’t get me started on the whole “do e-books and audiobooks count?” debate. EVERYTHING counts! If you have to use your brain to imagine a story in your head as you go along, it counts! If there are pictures, it still counts! Audiobooks count! Viola Davis won a fucking Grammy this week for the job she did READING her book out loud so other people could get it in their earholes while they’re folding laundry!!!
Arghhh.
I’m so irritated by people like this dude who gatekeep this shit. While he rang up my daughter’s READING MATERIAL in silence, I debated if I should tell him I’ve also paid for her to have a subscription to Kindle Unlimited because I’m a good mom and I know she enjoys reading smexy romances! (And because I like the hard-core smut on KU.)
And yes, smut counts as READING!
What an ass. That's all I do nowadays is listen to audio books and I learn a shit ton from them.
Like you, I bought every book my kiddo wanted to read, regardless of the genre. Now that she’s an adult, she still loves to read. Mission accomplished.