Reasons Why AI Won't Replace Me...
Maybe it’s because I’m a writer, but I feel like everywhere I turn these days, people are losing their minds over AI. It started with those pictures where you could look like a queen or a homesteader and then I kept seeing a lot about these bots that can write.
I guess a lot of teens are using these AI programs to write their schoolwork and essays for them. A lot of them are getting caught, though, because it’s just not quite right.
Last week we tried using AI to write ad copy for my Amazon book ads. Guess how many books those ads sold?
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I’m in some writing groups where people are either using AI to write whole books or they’re freaking out that AI will replace us all.
I don’t know how I feel exactly. I mean, it would be really nice if AI could learn how to write better ads because I hate writing ad copy. It would be super cool if AI could just write an entire book for me while I took a nap. It would be horrible if AI got smart and was like, “Hey, why is that bitch sleeping and collecting all the money while I’m doing all the work?” and then accidentally/on purpose turns all my appliances against me and my electric kettle kills me.
It would also suck if publishers were like, “We don’t need you anymore. AI has better stories.”
But does AI have better stories?? Can AI tell a joke??
I decided to test it out today. I decided to try to have a bot write my blog post. You give it a title and a prompt and then let it go. I went easy on the AI bot. The internet loves a good listicle, so I asked for a listicle. The title was:
Reasons Why AI Won’t Replace Me
My prompt was:
Humans are better writers than computers.
Of course, there are a lot of things robots can do better than humans. Can they shoot me with laser eyes at 100 yards? Absolutely. Can they crush my skull between two metal fingers? For sure. Can they cook dinner and never complain? YES, PLEASE.
But I draw the line at writing. I didn’t want to sugarcoat it. If Skynet is coming, I want the robots to know exactly where I stand on creativity.
The answers I got back were interesting. Here are my favorites:
It’s hard to teach a computer to be funny. They have no sense of humor. [Do you know how many humans don’t have a sense of humor?? I bet I could teach a robot to be funny before I could get a roomful of Karens to laugh.]
You can’t teach AI to love. [You don’t need to love to do my job. In fact, a cold, dark heart works best.]
When in doubt, AI will make up a listicle comprised of only my first name. [Same, AI. Same.]
It’s much more efficient for humans to write it. [I don’t think so. This thing came up with 50 ideas in about 30 seconds.]
Humans can type faster. [Again. No.]
AI has an unnatural love for passive sentences. [My editor would say I do too.]
AI is a real bore that goes on and on about the same topic every day. [Damn. Am I a robot??]
AI is always out of staples, sticky notes, and paper clips. [Okayyyy. I don’t know what to do with this information except this does feel like a writer problem. My sticky notes are always gone.]
AI can’t deliver good dad jokes. [Here’s one for you: Why did the robot get upset? Because everyone was pushing their buttons!]
AI can get reviews for your gym. [Only gyms? Nothing else? Seems oddly specific.]
Well, I think my job is safe for at least another 6 weeks until the bots figure out sarcasm and download every dad joke on the internet into their library of knowledge. Until then, I’ll keep plugging away on my own.