We Are Going Back to the Middle Ages, Might as Well Embrace the Style

Bring back velvets and swords and smallpox!

Photo by Lanju Fotografie on Unsplash

When I get the dogs up in the morning, I always turn on the news first. One, because I need to know how many layers I’ll need to put on before I step outside. Two, because I need to know which part of the democracy was decimated over night. And three, because the dogs enjoy the noise. They think it’s a party.

I saw a teaser for an upcoming segment about the rise in online searches for “medieval decor” and it made me chuckle, because OF COURSE medieval decor is trending. We’re living in the goddamn Dark Ages, why not decorate your home like it?

But, of course, we all think we’re going to be living like the Lord and Lady of the Manor with rich tapestries and fabulous dining room tables that can seat 30. We assume we’ll be living in a drafty castle with a fireplace large enough to walk into. We assume we’ll have turrets and battlements.

Instead, we’ll be living as peasants. We’ll live on a farm owned by the Lord and we’ll work his fields from dawn to dusk. We’ll survive on bread and porridge in a cottage with no heat or running water. All while facing the threat of disease, famine, and harsh weather.

I mean, that kind of sounds like 2025, right?

We’ve got all these feudal lords snapping up the resources and making the rest of us their serfs. They’re disemboweling education, because a smart serf is a troublesome serf. Mix in a little fire and brimstone, and you’ve got a docile workforce. Better to keep them dumb, hungry, and afraid of eternal damnation. That way the lords can exert their power and domination over the masses.

A quick internet search told me that the searches for medieval clothing are also going up. Chain mail, armor, and leather are all showing up on the red carpets. Lots of folks look like they’re ready to go into battle. And who can blame them? We’re living in a constant state of fight or flight. It doesn’t sound like a terrible idea to keep your sword handy at all times. Sure, the other side has tanks, but swords look so much cooler!

And you know J.D. Vance and his weird friends are literally salivating at the idea of young girls in chastity belts. (Excuse me while I go and vomit.)

I just think it’s interesting that we're moving into this whole “Castlecore” aesthetic for 2025 as the world burns around us. This timeline couldn’t be more medieval. It’s like if Henry Tudor rode into battle in a Tesla.

On a personal note, I’m here for Castlecore. I love those dark colors and the moodiness of it all. I would sleep in a four-poster bed and dig a moat around my house in a heartbeat. I’m just not crazy about toiling in the fields and dying from the Black Plague. I might not have a choice in the matter, so in the meantime, I’ll definitely be buying a tapestry or two for my walls!